Safe Way to Anal Play

Yes, anal play can most certainly be erotic and fun! And yes it’s become quite common in the bedroom, in fact 1 in 4 people engage in anal play and keep in mind that anal play doesn’t have to be full on penetration either (like I’m sure some of you have seen in porn). Anal play can also be, you’ve heard it before, “just the tip” and even just vibration or light pressure around the opening, it all counts! 😉

For a woman, nerve endings stretch from the tip of the clitoris all the way to the anus. So say it accidentally was touched and you *gasp* liked it, have no fear you’re not crazy-kinky, it’s the nerve endings! I really encourage you to explore because, as long as it’s done correct, there’s a few benefits i.e. if you use an anal toy, it will press on the vaginal wall which creates the “tighter” feeling which then also means you can feel your partner more, (no that doesn’t mean you should put away the BenWa balls and stop doing your Kegel exercises)!

Now for men, the nerve endings stretch from the tip of the penis all the way to the anus. Again, if it’s been accidentally touched and he liked it, it’s OKAY! His sexual orientation has nothing to do with liking anal play, it’s only those lovely nerve endings! Further, men have something called a prostate and when stimulated, it can intensify his orgasm. Side note: consistently massaging his prostate is extremely healthy  because it’ll lower the risk of some types of prostate cancer! (I can already see the smiles forming on the ladies faces! haha!)

Okay so remember when I told you that 1 in 4 people engage in anal? Well 61% of them say they experience pain which tells me most are engaging in anal play are doing it wrong! Anal play should not be painful! Let me repeat that, anal play should not be painful!

SO!  If you’re feeling pain and just doing it anyway please refrain and check out what I’m about to tell you. If you felt pain in the past and swore it off, please check out what I’m about to tell you! And if you are curious about anal play, but have no idea what you’re doing check out what I’m about to say. If you’ve explored before and anal play is just not for you, no worries! Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for the other, so I encourage to check out one of my other blogs instead!

#1 RELAXATION, COMMUNICATION AND LUBRICATION – Before even starting you must have the conversation with your partner about this and what your expectations and rules are especially when it comes to the word “STOP” which doesn’t mean pull out as fast as possible nor does it mean keep going, it means stop where they are!

Start the session off by relaxing your body! Do what you have to: have a glass of wine (not too many glasses though and remember alcohol tends to dry the vaginal canal), start the evening with a sexy soothing full body message, have a vaginal or clitoral orgasm first (because orgasms relax the entire body), what ever it is that will allow you to relax.

Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t create its own lubrication, so a great quality silicone based lubricant is a MUST when it comes to anal play! This one component can literally make or break your experience!

#2 Skip the doggy style position and start by spooning – most people get the idea that the only way to engage in anal play is to position in doggy style and this is mostly due to the fact that a lot of people are getting their education from porn (please go to a local Pure Romance party if this is you and you are female!) Instead try a spooning position, it’s much more relaxing and your body fits together much better that way, like a puzzle! 😉

#3 Front to back never back to front! For the sake of keeping happy vaginas and avoiding infection, make sure you never engage in vaginal sex immediately after anal play or use a condom during anal play and take it off afterward.

Be happy; feel sexy!

Vanessa Bonham

P.S. Now that you have the know how, what about the time? If you’re having trouble being intimate with your partner because of time try “time blocking” and scheduling tasks that relate to each other in “chunks”, for example: instead of going down the to-do list: check emails, start laundry, check Facebook, go to work, do dishes, reply to emails… (sound familiar? ;)) Schedule yourself in chunks: online time, work time, then household chore time. When you go back and forth between different types of tasks it keeps you from getting “on a roll”. Remember to set a timer for each chunk! Would you like more tips to making time for sexy time because I have a lovely guide for you?  CLICK HERE to subscribe and I’ll send you your very own guide to Making Time for Sexy Time!

Again, CLICK HERE to subscribe!

Want to stay connected, check out the Talk Flirt with Vanessa Bonham Facebook Group to get other extra fun stuff too!



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