Toys as Tools, Take Your Pick

Sex, masturbation and the use of bedroom accessories are still quite taboo, Continue reading


Taking Care of Your Vaulva! 

Rinse with water regularly… 🙂

It’s seriously that simple. How cool is that? 🙂 Rinse with water regularly… so that means no need to use  Summer eve sensitive wash, or that organic/special hypoallergenic soap (and in some cases those actually cause bad odors. Check out this article if you’re concerned Really Though-Why Does My Vagina Smell?), it also means stop feeling self-conscious about your level of cleanliness, stop worrying about your odor unless it’s different from YOUR norm and start  focusing on other things like: getting consistent checkups, being aware of what “norm” is to you, eating and exercising right; because, those are the real things to prioritize.

I’ve heard so many crazy-out-there things for vaginal hygiene, luckily they are few and far between. One time I even heard of someone actually teaching to stick a tampon-soaked in yogurt-into the vaginal canal and letting it sit… whaaaat! Please don’t do that!!! In fact please keep all foods away from the vagina. Yogurt has A LOT of sugar in it and anything with sugar introduced to the vaginal canal causes yeast infections.

I will tell you, there’s one thing I do hear quite often and there seems to be some confusion of when and how often, so if you didn’t already know, and I say this with the up-most love, compassion and care for happy vaginas: DO NOT DOUCHE!!! Like ever! Not even once a year. The only time douching is okay is when your healthcare provider prescribes it during very specific treatments. It may be tempting, but you’re not just “cleaning” out the vaginal canal. You’re destroying the delicate balance of pH and good bacteria! And did you know, it also makes you vulnerable to infection and other nasty things, so for the sake of happy vaginas just rinse with water! You can even use a detachable shower head to, you know, get all those crevices extra well… 😉

Last thing, if you’re a woman who has a significant amount of discharge, which btw is actually a good thing and if you don’t believe me check this out Catitide and Co, you can use a warm damp cloth to wipe away any excess in between the labia or around the clitoral hood, but never inside the vaginal canal. Our bodies are incredible, especially the vagina! It’s literally a self cleaning machine, so just leave it be. :)!

So there you have it, the ever so complicated way to take care of your vulva! Rinse with water regularly!  😉

Be happy, feel sexy,

Vanessa Bonham

P.S. Now that you’re feeling better about your vulva hygiene, are you making time to be intimate with your partner? Would you like more tips on how to make time for sexy time because I have a lovely guide for you?  CLICK HERE to subscribe and I’ll send you your very own guide to Making Time for Sexy Time!

Again, CLICK HERE to subscribe!

Want to stay connected, check out the Talk Flirt with Vanessa Bonham Facebook Group to get other extra fun stuff too!😉

Phenomenal Books About Relationships

Here is my recommended list of books for your relationship goals!

  • Between The Sheets by Patty Brisben – This book is jam packed with tons of wonderful information! Any situation your in she talks about it and gives you great insight all in story form.Whether you’re single, been in a long term relationship for 30+ years, this is for you, she even has a section about intimacy after chemotherapy.
  • She Comes First by Ian Kerner – This book is all about women’s orgasm and an oral guide. It’s cool and funny and just like Between the sheets it’s jam packed full of information, but specific to this topic. It’s a fabulous read for both you and your partner!
  • Tickle Your Fancy by Dr Sadie Allison – This author is HILARIOUS and actually I recommend all her “Tickle” books! The illustrations are even better! This particular book is all about women! What we like, what we don’t like and is the perfect one to highlight or dog ear then leave in the bathroom for him to find because you know he’s gonna read it! 😉
  • 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman – if you want to know how to show your partner that you love them and every attempt prior to this, seems to be an epic fail, then this book is for you! It’s probably because your love languages are completely different, this book helps you learn about how to treat your partner and how you like to be treated.
  • Train Your Brain by Dana Wilde– I recommend this book to everyone because mindset is key to everything. If you can train your brain you can “train other people’s brain”!
  • The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin – Oh my gosh!!! This book is FABULOUS! I love the way Gretchen Rubin writes; she is so relateable! She takes you on her journey, she goes through each type of relationship ie with herself, her husband, parenting, etc… As she learns so do you!  I could read this book a thousand times!
  • How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – this is an “old-school” book and typically meant for business owners, but I came to realize you can get pretty much anything you want with anyone including your partner just by practicing what he has to teach.
  • Boundaries – this is a FABULOUS book about you and your time and owning it, which also means maintaining healthy relationships. It’s extremely Christian based, so if that’s your thang or if its not your thang, but you can read “past” it, then this book is great for you! I highly recommend this one if you’re in a relationship or multiple relationships that take advantage of you and your time. 🙂

Be happy; feel sexy!

Vanessa Bonham

P.S. Now that you have a ton of awesome books to read (or listen to ;)) Remember to keep in mind your time especially making time for intimacy with your partner! Would you like more tips to making time for sexy time because I have a lovely guide for you?  CLICK HERE to subscribe and I’ll send you your very own guide to Making Time for Sexy Time!

Again, CLICK HERE to subscribe!

Want to stay connected, check out the Talk Flirt with Vanessa Bonham Facebook Group to get other extra fun stuff too! 😉

Safe Way to Anal Play

Yes, anal play can most certainly be erotic and fun! And yes it’s become quite common in the bedroom, in fact 1 in 4 people engage in anal play and keep in mind that anal play doesn’t have to be full on penetration either (like I’m sure some of you have seen in porn). Anal play can also be, you’ve heard it before, “just the tip” and even just vibration or light pressure around the opening, it all counts! 😉

For a woman, nerve endings stretch from the tip of the clitoris all the way to the anus. So say it accidentally was touched and you *gasp* liked it, have no fear you’re not crazy-kinky, it’s the nerve endings! I really encourage you to explore because, as long as it’s done correct, there’s a few benefits i.e. if you use an anal toy, it will press on the vaginal wall which creates the “tighter” feeling which then also means you can feel your partner more, (no that doesn’t mean you should put away the BenWa balls and stop doing your Kegel exercises)!

Now for men, the nerve endings stretch from the tip of the penis all the way to the anus. Again, if it’s been accidentally touched and he liked it, it’s OKAY! His sexual orientation has nothing to do with liking anal play, it’s only those lovely nerve endings! Further, men have something called a prostate and when stimulated, it can intensify his orgasm. Side note: consistently massaging his prostate is extremely healthy  because it’ll lower the risk of some types of prostate cancer! (I can already see the smiles forming on the ladies faces! haha!)

Okay so remember when I told you that 1 in 4 people engage in anal? Well 61% of them say they experience pain which tells me most are engaging in anal play are doing it wrong! Anal play should not be painful! Let me repeat that, anal play should not be painful!

SO!  If you’re feeling pain and just doing it anyway please refrain and check out what I’m about to tell you. If you felt pain in the past and swore it off, please check out what I’m about to tell you! And if you are curious about anal play, but have no idea what you’re doing check out what I’m about to say. If you’ve explored before and anal play is just not for you, no worries! Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for the other, so I encourage to check out one of my other blogs instead!

#1 RELAXATION, COMMUNICATION AND LUBRICATION – Before even starting you must have the conversation with your partner about this and what your expectations and rules are especially when it comes to the word “STOP” which doesn’t mean pull out as fast as possible nor does it mean keep going, it means stop where they are!

Start the session off by relaxing your body! Do what you have to: have a glass of wine (not too many glasses though and remember alcohol tends to dry the vaginal canal), start the evening with a sexy soothing full body message, have a vaginal or clitoral orgasm first (because orgasms relax the entire body), what ever it is that will allow you to relax.

Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t create its own lubrication, so a great quality silicone based lubricant is a MUST when it comes to anal play! This one component can literally make or break your experience!

#2 Skip the doggy style position and start by spooning – most people get the idea that the only way to engage in anal play is to position in doggy style and this is mostly due to the fact that a lot of people are getting their education from porn (please go to a local Pure Romance party if this is you and you are female!) Instead try a spooning position, it’s much more relaxing and your body fits together much better that way, like a puzzle! 😉

#3 Front to back never back to front! For the sake of keeping happy vaginas and avoiding infection, make sure you never engage in vaginal sex immediately after anal play or use a condom during anal play and take it off afterward.

Be happy; feel sexy!

Vanessa Bonham

P.S. Now that you have the know how, what about the time? If you’re having trouble being intimate with your partner because of time try “time blocking” and scheduling tasks that relate to each other in “chunks”, for example: instead of going down the to-do list: check emails, start laundry, check Facebook, go to work, do dishes, reply to emails… (sound familiar? ;)) Schedule yourself in chunks: online time, work time, then household chore time. When you go back and forth between different types of tasks it keeps you from getting “on a roll”. Remember to set a timer for each chunk! Would you like more tips to making time for sexy time because I have a lovely guide for you?  CLICK HERE to subscribe and I’ll send you your very own guide to Making Time for Sexy Time!

Again, CLICK HERE to subscribe!

Want to stay connected, check out the Talk Flirt with Vanessa Bonham Facebook Group to get other extra fun stuff too!