How to Talk to your Husband About Sex After Having a Baby

Its been about two months since having your baby. You’re covered in spit-up, you’re sleep deprived, your joints are still “loosy goosey,” your nipples are on the mend FINALLY (if you decided to breastfeed), you haven’t had a shower in two days. Quite frankly sex is the last thing on your mind, but you roll over and see that pleading look on your husband’s face. Your heart sinks because if you tell him no one more time, it’s going to blow up in your face like a time bomb. All you really want is to get some sleep; worst of all, he doesn’t seem to get why you wouldn’t want to, because after all it’s been 8 weeks and the doctor said its okay now…

Sound familar? Then you’ve come to the right place! 🙂 Talking to your husband about sex after having a baby doesn’t have to be awkward and can help him understand what’s going on with you, which in turn strengthens your relationship with him! 🙂

It is extremely important to know that what you’re experiencing is normal. Any time a women goes through a physical change such as pregnancy, especially when your hormone levels are messed with, your libido (aka sex drive) is affected. Most women have a decrease in desire for sex and it’s no wonder! You’re tired, you don’t feel sexy and you have new stresses to think about, women in general need a plethora of regimes-dependent on their body-to prepare for sex; let alone, after such a huge change!

So how do you tell him?

#1 Educate yourself. If when you read the above and thought, “What the heck? I didn’t know any of that!” It’s okay! Due to a lack of research for women, the information isn’t exactly abundant for us. Definitely talk to your physician about what’s going on, so you understand your body better and make sure it’s not an underlying health issue. Here are a couple books I recommend, Between the Sheets by Patty Brisben and One Hot Mama: The Guide to Getting Your Mind and Body Back After Baby by Erin Cox.

#2 Have the conversation outside of the bedroom. This is one of those conversations you don’t want to have when the moment sparks, because quite frankly it’s a BIG turn off which will probably spark resentment. This is a conversation you’re going to want to bring up when you have a few moments to talk.

#3 Educate him, but make it fun and light-hearted. Men are visual creatures and he’s probably noticing your body in a different way than you are, so when you approach the conversation refer to noticeable changes. For example: “So have you noticed my nipples have changed? Well, that’s because…” Then wrap it around to your low sex drive.

#4 Make sure that he knows you still think he’s attractive! Men care that they are capable of turning you on still and that they are satisfying you enough, so let him know that you still think he’s extremely sexy and it has nothing to do with his “skills”.

I had a baby almost 7 months ago and it took me an entire 6 months to realize my husband doesn’t see what’s going on with my body from my perspective (thank you captain obvious, right?! lol!), but because of that I almost dreaded being intimate with him. Then finally I had the conversation with him and it was almost as if the pressure had lifted. He also tries a lot harder to make sure I know he thinks I’m sexy still-he’s always been good at it, he’s just doing it better. So now when the time does come its much better timing and I don’t dread it any more! It then occurred to me, how many other new and veteran mothers feel like this and just don’t know how to talk to their partner?

Leave a comment below with what you did in this situation especially if you have any more tips or tell us about an epic fail! Because you know you can laugh it off now! I can’t wait to see all the different experiences!


Be happy, feel sexy!

Vanessa Bonham

P.S. If baby is really getting in the way of your sexy time with your partner, try “time blocking” and scheduling tasks that relate to each other in “chunks”, for example: instead of going down the to-do list: check emails, start laundry, check Facebook, go to work, do dishes, reply to emails… (sound familiar? ;)) Schedule yourself in chunks: online time, work time, then household chore time. When you go back and forth between different types of tasks it keeps you from getting “on a roll”. Remember to set a timer for each chunk! Would you like more tips to making time for sexy time because I have a lovely guide for you! CLICK HERE to subscribe and I’ll send you your very own guide to Making Time for Sexy Time!


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